How to write a memoir, step by step
By the Notre Livre editorial team · · 9 min read
Most people who want to write a memoir never start, and most who start never finish. It is not for lack of stories. It is that a blank page is a hard place to begin, and a whole life is a lot to organize.
This guide breaks the process into steps you can actually follow, and ends with an alternative for people who would rather talk than write.
Step 1: Decide what your memoir is about
A memoir is not everything that happened. It is a story with a thread. Ask yourself: if a grandchild read only this book, what would I want them to understand about me? The answer is your theme.
Not sure if you are writing a memoir or an autobiography? Our guide on memoir vs autobiography explains the difference.
Step 2: Gather your memories
- Make a timeline of places you lived, schools, jobs, relationships and key events.
- Go through photo albums, letters and old documents; write down what each one reminds you of.
- Use prompts: the house you grew up in, your first job, the day you met your partner, a time you were afraid.
- Talk to siblings and old friends. They remember what you have forgotten.
Our lists of questions to ask your parents and questions to ask your grandparents work just as well as prompts for your own life.
Step 3: Choose a structure
Chronological is the simplest: childhood, youth, adulthood, later years. Thematic structures group chapters around ideas, such as work, love, faith or home. A frame structure opens in the present and returns to the past. For a first memoir, chronological with a clear theme is usually the best choice.
Step 4: Write scenes, not summaries
"My father was strict" is a summary. "My father checked the dust on top of the doorframe every Saturday morning" is a scene. Readers remember scenes. For each chapter, pick two or three moments and tell them with sensory detail: what you saw, heard, smelled and said.
Write badly first. Revision is where the book becomes good; the first draft only has to exist.
Step 5: Revise for truth and for readers
- Check names, dates and places with family members or documents.
- Cut repetition and long explanations; keep the moments.
- Think about the people in your story. Be honest, but consider how it will read to them.
- Read chapters aloud. Where you stumble, the reader will too.
If you would rather talk than write
Many people have extraordinary stories and no wish to write for months. That is the reason memoir writing services exist. Traditional ghostwriters interview you and write the book, usually at a high price.
Our life story book takes a different path: you tell your story in a guided conversation, one period of life at a time, and it is written as a 200 to 400 page memoir with AI assistance. You review the whole text, request corrections, and approve it before it is printed as a hardcover in the USA. See how it works and pricing.