40th wedding anniversary: how to celebrate forty years, with party ideas, a speech and card messages
By the Notre Livre editorial team · · 10 min read
Forty years of marriage deserves more than a card on the mantelpiece. It is usually the children who organise it, often in secret, and the hardest part is not the budget but the guest list and the speech.
This guide is about the celebration itself: 15 ways to mark the day, a timeline for planning, an outline for the speech, card messages and a shortlist of gifts. For a full list of presents, see ruby wedding anniversary gifts.
40th anniversary at a glance
| 40th wedding anniversary | |
|---|---|
| Name | Ruby wedding |
| Traditional and modern material | Ruby |
| Colour | Deep red |
| Flower often associated | Gladiolus, or red roses |
| Next milestones | Sapphire (45th), gold (50th) |
15 ways to celebrate a ruby wedding
- A family lunch in the hotel or church hall where they had their reception.
- A surprise party, with the couple brought in by a grandchild.
- An afternoon tea for close friends, with a ruby-red cake.
- A garden party at home, with their wedding playlist.
- A vow renewal, small and informal, with the grandchildren as witnesses.
- A trip back to the honeymoon destination, paid for by the family.
- A ruby-themed dinner: beetroot, red wine, raspberry pudding.
- A slideshow of forty years, one photo per year.
- A memory book that each guest fills in with one story about the couple.
- Video messages from friends and relatives abroad.
- A boat trip, steam train or day out linked to their early years.
- A cocktail hour with the drinks they had at their wedding.
- A family photo session in the same pose as the wedding photo.
- Forty red roses delivered at breakfast, one for each year.
- A reading of how they met, written by the family, at the start of the meal.
Planning timeline
| When | What to do |
|---|---|
| Three months before | Agree a budget with siblings, choose a date, book the venue |
| Two months before | Send invitations; ask relatives for photos and memories |
| Six weeks before | Order personalised gifts and anything printed (cake, banners, books) |
| Two weeks before | Confirm numbers, finalise the slideshow, draft the speech |
| The week before | Collect the gift, rehearse the speech once out loud |
A simple speech outline
- Thank everyone for coming and say who you are in one line.
- Tell how they met, in three or four sentences, with one detail people will laugh at.
- Choose one moment from the forty years that shows who they are together.
- Say what they have given the family, without listing everything.
- Raise a glass: "To forty years, and to the next ten."
Three minutes is plenty. Print it in large type, and if you might get emotional, ask a sibling to stand next to you.
Card messages for a 40th anniversary
- "Forty years, and still holding hands. Happy ruby wedding."
- "You make forty years look like the easiest thing in the world. We know it wasn't. Congratulations."
- "To Mum and Dad: thank you for showing us what love looks like when it lasts."
- "Ruby suits you both. Here's to the gold."
- "Forty years of tea in bed, arguments about the map and laughing at the same jokes. Happy anniversary."
Gift shortlist
- Ruby jewellery: a pendant, ring or cufflinks.
- A family gift: the lunch, the trip or the vow renewal.
- Their wedding photo restored and framed beside one from today.
- Their forty years written as a book they can pass on.
For 40 ideas sorted by budget, see ruby wedding anniversary gifts.
Their forty years, written down
The present families remember from a ruby wedding is often the one that keeps the story. With a Notre Livre anniversary book, one of you (or a son or daughter) tells the story in a guided conversation: how you met, the wedding, the homes, the children, the hard years and the good ones. It becomes a novel of 80 to 200 pages, written in the first person with AI assistance. Nothing is invented, the first page is free to read before paying, and every chapter is reviewed before printing.
£29 digital, £55 or £75 as a hardback printed in the UK, VAT and UK delivery included. See the prices page.